Way back in the 1950s nearly all cars were black, but gradually different colours began to appear, creams, greys and all those sombre colours so suited to conservative England. Ford however shocked everybody with their Zephyr and Zodiac range which appeared in bright colours, and cars were becoming streamlined.
A PC on my relief, John, a happy-go-lucky young man, had at that time a very old black sit- up- and- beg Morris which had seen better days, but he was so proud of it, and it had never let him down. He, along with everybody else on the relief called it 'Charlie'.
Then he went and got married, and at the same time inherited a few pounds, so his new bride wanted to get rid of Charlie, and had her eyes on a bright pink, Zephyr Zodiac Convertible.
John was horrified, and spoke to us about it in the canteen, as the pink car was obviously intended for a lady but he would be the only driver. He hated anything that was not manly. He had no option but to purchase the car, and I noticed that he would drive it wearing dark glasses, and even in the heat of summer would wear some top disguise over his uniform when driving into work. I write this poem, with poor John in mind.
How could she expect me to love it,
a bright pink, convertible car.
It was a ladies car, or for funny young men,
not a copper who, was manly by far.
My poor old Charlie, was no good for the wife,
so to that heaven, he had to be sent.
A really true friend, in many moments of strife,
Such sadness, when cruelly bent.
But late one night, as I was driving home,
in my effeminate looking car,
I spotted a smash and grab, in that gas-lit gloam,
and the bandits as they sped off afar.
I gave chase along that silent street,
with headlights and hooter blaring,
hoping a police car, that I might meet,
with such noise and all lights glaring.
We did many miles at eighty,
with me close, right up their tail.
They thought it was the CID,
to take them off to jail.
At last my colleagues stopped them,
those villains looked in dismay,
at my little pink marvel, racing gem,
which had really spoilt their day.
And then I realised it was Charlie,
his spirit had been reborn,
a true copper’s car, my Charlie,
"I'd never leave you," he had sworn.
So now my little pink Zodiac,
is known by all the nick,
what gives those villains heart attack.
They’re quite glad when he's off sick.